Once you start your spiritual journey, you start to look at yourself differently. You start to understand why you move the way you do, think the way you do, and react to situations the way you do. Things you thought were real and/or true, you will now start to question. You start to dig down deep into the root of why things are the way they are. I've started to sit with myself and quiet my mind. The downloads that come to me have helped me become a better person for MYSELF. Today as I was chilling on the couch, scrolling through social media, I realized why I don't celebrate, or care to celebrate Holidays. I used the, "oh it's a made-up thing and people take them too seriously, it's just a way to keep us on the hamster wheel", but nope, none of that was the REAL reason. It all comes down to, no one has ever taken the time out to get to know me enough to gift me or celebrate me correctly. I was always going out of my way to make sure the gift I gave was thought out, so they would truly love the gift. I always went above and beyond for those I cared for. But it always seemed like I was an afterthought. NO, it's not always the thought that counts. That's just bullshit. But now i see how I played a major part in the continuous disappointment. I never stood up for myself. I never told them how I truly felt, because I didn't want to hurt their feelings, or ruin their special day. I mean even on my birthday, no one would truly go all out for me. It was always delayed or forgotten about. I just accepted it and moved on and tucked those feelings away. All this changes today. Now that I have been working, loving, and pouring into ME. I'm feeling like I want to start back celebrating those fun Holidays in the way that makes ME happy. I am starting new traditions of happiness, inclusiveness, appreciation, and having a safe space to openly and honestly express myself!
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