Growth and change are part of this journey. In order to grow you have to change how you view the world around you. Once you make the decision you no longer want to continue living the way you have been, you start to set things in motion for change to happen. You also have to physically and mentally prepared for what's to come with those changes. For me, I have been in survival mode for so long that any little change I felt like it wasn't working for me but against me. I depended on others to create my happiness and it got me nothing but disappointment. I was holding on to the old so hard that I was making it harder for me to accept the new. I wanted those people, places, and things to change and grow along with me, so I didn't have to leave them behind. I realized I had to let go of the baggage. The song Bag Lady is a great example of what I am referring to. Where I'm going and trying to accomplish, I can't take the old with me. It's like growing 2 sizes bigger and still wanting to fit into those old jeans. They don't flatter you anymore and it's time to give them up. I'm ok with letting it all go now. I'm ok with being my true self and being alone as I take this journey.
Just had a recent situation where I was invited to a gathering. I initially said yes, but after a few weeks I realized, I really didn't want to attend the gathering. I was so nervous about responding back to let them know I wouldn't be attending. I rewrote the message so many times because I wanted to make sure I worded so they didn't take it the wrong way and giving explanations to why I couldn't make it. But after the 4th time deleting and rewriting. My Higher Self took over and said, "Unfortunately I will not be able to attend the event on Friday and we will have to catch up another time". Simple and to the point with no explanation. Once I hit send, my nerves were getting the best of me, and I was worried about the response, which was a simple, "OK, no problem". But because I was a former people pleaser, it was hard for me to initially do that. I didn't want the person I call a friend to be upset with me because I couldn't make it to their event. But now I am learning I owe no one an explanation to what I do and don't do. This is my life, and I will live it the way that fits me best, regardless of how it makes another feel.
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